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Friends, it seems that this writer made an unfortunate mistake in a previous entry. I quickly assumed that our star left wing Sean Avery was guilty of partaking in the services of a Manhattan prostitute without seeing any actual evidence. However, according to an article in Newsday, the hooker in question said she never bumped uglies with #16.
So, Sean, this is my public apology to you. I know that I may have used this unfortunate situation to jumpstart my newborn blog and to get a good laugh, but I still really respect you. Your loud mouth is really getting on the nerves of your opponents, and I'm sure Marc-Andre Fleury is worried that tomorrow one of your wristshots might actually come within three feet of the net.
This whole situation has made left me feeling terrible, like Kent Brockman did after preemptively proclaiming his allegiance to our new insect overlords in Deep Space Homer.
Of course, something like this won't go unnoticed in opposing arenas around the league. While I'm sure that some classless fans across the Hudson will jeer at Avery for this mini-scandal, we can just remember that while Sean is doing it with Elisha Cuthbert and one of those Olsen twins (hopefully the non-anorexic one), a certain French Canadian goalie is doing it with his sister-in-law.
Today's matinee is the start of a home and home between the Pens and Rangers. The Rangers currently hold a 4-2 series edge over Malkin & Co. Reigning MVP Sidney Crosby is finally back from that ankle boo-boo that kept him sidelined for two months. Also back from injury is deadline acquisition Marian Hossa. I bet the Thrashers are gonna enjoy Pitt's first round pick and #1 prospect when Hossa once again eats it in the playoffs and the Pens are trounced by the second round. Who am I kidding? Waddell will probably trade both of them away for worthless veterans *cough* Tkachuk and Zhitnik *cough*.
Anyway, today's game has immense importance in the standings. A win would put the Rangers alone in 5th place and in a tie for 4th. An OT or shootout loss would put them in a tie for 5th (they have the tiebreaker thanks to Ottawa having played 2 more games). The Rangers definitely need 3 points out of 4 in this home-and-home if they want out of that 6th seed.
Unfortunately, I've gotta DVR this game since I have to be out of town this afternoon. It'll break my heart to fast forward through all of the Heineken robot girl commercials that NBC inevitably shows every Sunday.
Keys to Today's Game:
- Shut down Crosby, Malkin, and Hossa. Duh. Maybe give Sid a nice tap on the ankle with your stick, Sean.
- Speaking of Avery, keep all prostitutes out of the Igloo. If the Rangers win, reward him with a visit from his favorite hooker. If he scores a goal, have Renney pay for it.
- Power play. None of the cute passing shit that the Rangers (I'm looking at you Straka, Jagr, and Rozsival) are guilty of every single game. Shoot from the point, crash the net hoping for rebounds. Conklin and especially Fleury are terrible with rebound control. Take advantage of it.
- Defense, defense, defense. Henrik's been playing very well as of late, but he's been covering up a lot of the team's defensive errors. Not finishing checks in their own zone and bad passes gave the Devils two goals on Thursday. If Lundqvist hadn't been sharp, you can bet your wallet there would've been more.
It'll be a tough game today. The Ice Chickens are fighting for the #1 spot in the conference. But the Rangers have kept up with the Penguins all year. It'll be a good'un.
Let's Go Rangers!
So, according to an article in the NY Daily News, everyone's favorite dickwad Sean Avery's name and cell phone number were found in Manhattan madam Kristin Davis' little black book. Assuming that these allegations are of course true, let's first look at the gal running the show:
Holy crap. I didn't think Avery would be going after your run-of-the-mill, corner of 7th-and-Vine, STD-laden hookers. I thought he might go after the more classy hookers, like the ones in the Emperors Club or even the kind hired by Heidi Fleiss. I guess he couldn't afford them with the crappy $1.9M salary the arbitrator gave him last summer. But hey, don't worry, Sean. Those nasty genital warts you probably contracted from your Maison de L'Amour mistress will be worth it next year when you can afford the grade-A whores 'cause you're making Darcy Tucker money.
So kids, the moral of the story is: money can buy love. Hot supermodel and actress girlfriends will come and go, but there will always be a dirty hooker there to love and care for you.
For $500 an hour, that is.
